Written and submitted by: John the Baptist

Recently I had a brother come to me and ask how to handle a very sensitive subject. I could only help him in part, but the issue concerns his marriage now that he is saved.

. He and his wife have been married for almost 20 years, but he’s only been saved about 3 years. She was saved before they were married.
He confessed that before he got saved he was able to “keep her in line” , but now she challenges him verbally and says things like’ “you know where the kitchen is at just like I do. Go fix your own dinner cause I ain’t cooking”. Or, Calls him stupid, talks back and he developed an attitude.

He told me that this has happened a few time during the course of the marriage and that he use to give her “a little tune up” and then she was fine for a few years. Just a sweet as a person you could ever want to be married to.

“John”, he said, “I don’t know what to do. I’m trying to let God handle this, but the old man is telling me to go upside her head and she’ll get back in line. It’s always worked in the past and now she’s just totally disrespecting me.”

I told him about one of my personal experiences that was exactly like his and how that physical responses might work for awhile but eventually the problems grows into something really bad, like the woman getting hurt or worsre, the man going to jail and or a combination of all the above, plus the woman leaves the man eventually.

I suggested he and the wife talk to the pastor, get professional counselling, because the brother is ready to explode. He told me as much; that he has had it with her mouth.

I’ve always wondered why women don’t know when to shut up? That provoke and push and man with their mouth and then act all innocent like they didn’t do anything.

To me it’s spousal abuse. Clear cut and dry.

If some of you here have the answer to this issue please offer it.

I am almost ashamed to admit that this post came about because of a not so nice thought I had.  Today my husband and I were in a place of business.  The woman that was waiting on us walked toward us and I thought to myself how unattractive her legs were.  I actually said to myself, her face is not bad and the rest of her body is not bad but her legs are just not attractive.  As we head toward Sunday and the 7daybuzz.com WWJD 7 day challenge, I thought about what I was thinking and instantly became ashamed and mad.  The reason I got mad was because, like her, I have many body parts that many would say aren’t attractive.  But the real reason I got mad is because I bought into that way of thinking!  Who in the world, and I mean who, decides what is attractive and what is not?

I have a dear friend name Rose.  Rose lives in Nairobi, Kenya in Africa.  I had a job that afforded me the pleasure of spending time with Rose while she was in the US.  She taught me many things about how another culture lives.  One thing we talked about at length is how different our countries feel about a woman’s body.  According to Rose, if a woman is thin or small she is considered unattractive, especially if she is married.  If you see a married woman that is not (Kenya) healthy /thin (US), her husband is not doing his job.  Families can become upset at the sight of a slight woman and that husband will be told to feed his wife and take proper care of her.  A curvaceous woman, on the thicker side of life is considered beautiful in Kenya.  A size 16 or 18 or even higher is not a problem in Kenyan!  Sweet dear Rose was what we would call thick.  Because she had become somewhat Americanized, she decided she didn’t want to gain anymore weight.  I was with her when she bought her first pair of jeans!  She saw how women here looked and she wanted to emulate that look in her country!  Rose was absolutely beautiful.  One of the most beautiful women I had ever seen!  But now she was in our country and doubting that beauty because she understood what we say beauty should look like.  Don’t get me wrong, I am all about healthy living, a healthy size, and a healthy weight to go with it.

I don’t like it when I hear men say they wouldn’t even consider dating an overweight woman.  What if that woman is his actual soul mate?  Not someone he has a forced relationship with, chosen because she fit the appearance criteria.  I don’t like it when I hear a woman say she wouldn’t consider dating a bald man.  What if he is everything on her list with the minor exception that genetics didn’t afford him the luxury of hair past age 30?  How many people do you think have missed out on the true love of their life because the individual didn’t meet the standards of what we call beauty?  I will admit, as much as I love this country, there are times when I wish I was in a place where beauty was not based on how thin you were, or how long your legs were, or how hard your abs were.

It is so unfair.  The reason I think it so unfair is, none of us were given the options of who our parents were and what genetics we would inherit.  If how we look was predicated on what we ate only and how we took care of our bodies only, then that rating system would be alright, but my eyes, nose, legs, midsection, back parts, feet, hands, etc. all came from a combination of those before me.  Little of who I am is mine exclusively, but what is, was there from the start.  No matter what I eat, I still have chicken legs!  No matter how many Pilates stretches I do, I am still 5’¼”.  Nothing is going to plump up my legs or make me taller!  So then why can’t I be considered just as beautiful as Halle Berry or Janet Jackson or Eva Longoria?  But I know I will never be seen that way.  And that’s ok.  I’m good with who I am.  I am a creation of God.

If I ever see that woman again, I will consider her just as beautiful as my friend Rose!  Tell me what you think of American’s standards for beauty.