Proverbs 22:6 says:  Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old he will not depart from it.

Proverbs 20:11 says:  Even a child is known by his doings, whether his work be pure, and whether it be right.

Growing up a PK, eyes were always on me and my four siblings as to what indiscretions we might commit.  Well, let me say, grown ups would look at us to see our indiscretions so they had ammunition to say my father wasn’t all that.  I will speak for me; I violated many of the things my parents taught me were wrong.  But as far as my mother and father go, they didn’t falter.  No, I can’t say they were perfect but when it came to raising their five children, they were as close to perfect as you could get!  Consistent!!!  No meant no, day after day after day!  No didn’t mean no today and then tomorrow, it meant yes.  uh uh.  I know that sounds biased, but if I had enough time, I could convince you; they were ambassadors for Christ when it came to parenting!

Sadly enough, I’m not sure they make ‘em like that anymore.  I wasn’t the parent my parents were and I’m certain my siblings would say the same thing.  Sometimes I wonder if the ‘new generation” fears God like our parents did.  The bible/God’s word is clear when it tells us how to raise our children.  Why is that so hard for us?  Why is it so effortless to stand on the word of God for most things, but when it comes to raising our children and standing on that same word, we struggle?  This is a big topic but the one aspect I want to deal with today, is the one thing I have heard from so many parents, (not mine, remember, they were near perfect ) and especially fathers, and that is telling their children to fight.

Here is what I’ve heard so often and mostly from Christians, “don’t you start it (the fight) but if they put their hands on you and you don’t do something (fight back), I’m gonna get you (spank you/whip you) when you get home!  Heard it?  Said it?  Why is that one of the areas where we tragically fail our children?  According to my bible, there is not a command by God revising the “turn the other cheek” commandment for our kids during childhood and adolescence. (Matthew 5: 39 But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on the right cheek, turn to him the other also).  There might be a bible scholar out there that will dispute me and say there is such a scripture telling us to teach our kids to fight, when they are young, and I just haven’t seen it.  Do we realize with these teachings we are raising bullies and potentially young men/women filled with rage.  I know that sounds too simplistic, but I challenge you to do some research and see that many violent adults began their lives as violent children.  We are Christians.  We are supposed to sow integrity and goodness into our children’s lives when they are young, so we will see the rewards of integrity and goodness when they are old!

My girlfriend quotes me because I have said it so often, and I still believe it, we as Christians should be the best at whatever we do.  We should be the best employee, the best citizen, the best neighbor, the best student, the best daughter/son, and the best parent.  But the only way we can do this is by being different than the masses.

I grew up with “Christians” that were a part of my church and our children attended one high school.  Almost all of the children of these “Christian” families got kicked out for fighting!  Kid you not!  There are hundreds and thousands and millions of non-Christian kids who go through 12 years of school and beyond and never get kicked out for fighting.  Why is it that so many Christian children cannot live up to the same standard as a non-Christian child?  

One thing I have to say about life, we typically don’t take a path if we don’t realize it is an option.  Teaching your child to fight/giving your child an option to fight, regardless of the circumstances, should not be an option!

Listen, if we don’t realize Christianity is a daily occurrence and not just for Sundays, we will not please God nor be accepted by Him.  I hear you saying God will forgive me for looking out for my child, teaching him to stand up for himself, and not letting Johnny get the best of him.  Will He?  He gave His son up on the cross!  Are our children better?  Tell your daughter or son to take it!  Really the bottom line is the parents are embarrassed to think another man’s child beat up their child!  As I’ve said in previous articles, we live vicariously through our children.  What they do or don’t do, we see as a direct reflection on us.  Bingo!  But do we want their actions to reflect our Christianity or our non-Christianity?

Following Christ has benefits those not following Him aren’t privy to!  If you trust Him, if you obey Him, if you actually do His will, I can’t say troubles won’t come, but I can say, He will bring you out!  Telling our kids it is okay to do something God is displeased with at certain times, is ruining the parent’s witness and credibility as a Christian!  How are they going to be able to decipher right from wrong when they see you at church praising the Lord and shouting, and then tomorrow they are at school explaining to the principal they were in a fight because daddy told me I had to?  And kids will tell it!  Then the principal says, I thought your dad was the deacon at Mount, We Love the Lord, Non-denominational Come to Meeting, Assembly of Our Lord and Jesus Christ Church; and little Bobby has to say, “Yeah, I think he is”.  Now that is what should be embarrassing!

Don’t be mistaken, the world knows our children.  They know who they are and whose they are.  It is up to us to pour the right things into them.  Even if they stray, your accountability to God and His word is covered.

Talk to me about laying down our Christianity when it suits us and picking it back up when it suits us.  Is that Christianity?

As many of you may know, for the first time Kim and I are about to become parents.  I think we would both agree, this is something we have been looking forward to for quite some time and are taking this new responsibility seriously.

I know Kim will have a special bond with our daughter because that is something nature builds into this whole process.  But I know and feel that special something that has me joyous on the inside – a feeling which is new and somewhat expected at the same time.

At 7daybuzz, we try to be just what the name implies: a place that talks about the buzz 7 days a week.  We have been blessed to write about relevant issues both of a serious nature and sometime not so serious.  During this special time I must stay true to our format and refrain from making this all about the addition to my family.  For that reason, I would like to tell you about Proud2parent.

I’m approaching this life change with pride and I have some things I want to share from a father’s perspective.  Not only do I want to share what (very) little I know and will learn along the way, I want interaction with other parents, both fathers and mothers, so I can learn along the way.

Today is a special day at Proud2parent and I hope you will go and check it out.  Let’s get real, most men (the men I know at least) want a son and I was no different.  I may have wanted a little boy, but God said no and our destiny was a little girl.  If you look at the site, you may understand what I’m talking about more.

Before the thought comes to your mind, I’m not going anywhere and 7daybuzz will continue to grow (come on, help us) and improve.  We are going to bring it to you everyday, a guarantee Proud2parent doesn’t necessarily have.  Similarly to how the baby will be an addition to our family, the new site is an addition to our family here at 7daybuzz.

I will see you there…and here.

I’m about to enter territory I’ve never had the pleasure of going before and a small amount of anxiety is setting in.  At the beginning of next month I will be a father for the first time.  What’s more frightening is we are having a little girl, something I was afraid of from day one because I knew she would have her daddy wrapped from the start!  Oh no, it doesn’t even stop there.  My wife (Kim) is an only child which means this is my mother-in-law’s first (maybe only) grandchild.  As if that isn’t enough, I’m the last one in my family to have a child (I have one brother and three sisters who all have two kids) and my youngest niece is 15.  You know what that amounts to?  One spoiled little girl!

Just yesterday, I finally gave up and told Kim that the baby is going to get whatever she wants.  I was acting as if my proclamation made it official, as if all the stuff I’ve bought didn’t already show what is really going on.  But when I speak of all the things I plan on doing I don’t like to use the word spoiled because to me that has always indicated how a child would behave.  I had to hit the web and do a little research on the subject.

“A spoiled child is one who’s demanding, self-centered, and unreasonable,” says Harvey Karp, MD, creator of The Happiest Toddler on the Block DVD and book. He tells WebMD spoiled children may be easier to get along with when they get their way, but giving in to their demands ultimately makes them feel isolated and confused. “There is a seed of discontent that you sow when you allow a child to be spoiled,” he says. “They’ve used so much manipulation to get what they want, they don’t know when someone is genuinely giving to them.”

Psychologist Ruth A. Peters, PhD, author of the child discipline manual Laying Down the Law, agrees. “Spoiling doesn’t prepare them for anything but heartache later in life,” she says, adding that a spoiled child typically grows into a spoiled adult, and spoiled adults have trouble maintaining a job, a spouse, and friendships.

There are many things the “experts” say about raising a spoiled child and since I’m going to be dealing with an infant soon I have plenty of time to work this out.  However, some things I found I think are just wrong.  Does anyone remember when we didn’t have so many educated “experts” and more “Big Mammas?”  Coincidentally, the world had less crime then too – I will leave that subject alone for now.

Let’s look at some things to think about:

1.  Making Your Child the Center of the World

The experts say: Making your child’s wishes the top priority in every circumstance teaches her that the world revolves around her. This could prevent her from learning to consider other people’s needs and desires, says Susan Buttross, MD, chief of the Division of Child Development and Behavioral Pediatrics at the University of Mississippi Medical Center. “Children need to understand give and take,” she tells WebMD. “When take is the only function they know, they tend to be frustrated.”
I say: First notice how they call the child “her” which says something to me.  For me, I’m having a child later than most and have had a lot of fun.  To a certain extent, she will be the center of my world and I’m not even going to think differently.

2.  Failing to put Clear Limits on Your Child’s Behavior

The experts say: If you don’t set and enforce guidelines for good behavior, Buttross says, you’re likely to raise a child who is rude, uncooperative, and disrespectful. Karp adds that young kids are uncivilized by nature — part of your job as a parent is to teach social virtues, such as patience and respect.
I say: I grew up in a disciplined household, have spent more than 19 years in the military and refuse to bend on this one.  No sir, yes ma’am, thank you and excuse me are things that will be taught as soon as possible. It would be so embarrassing to have my daughter go out and not know how to be a polite young lady.  It is my responsibility to teach her better.

3.  Giving in to Temper Tantrums

The experts say: Relenting when your child throws a temper tantrum is an extreme form of rewarding negative behavior. It proves to kids that they can get whatever they want by throwing a fit — which is not how things work in the real world. “If you throw a temper tantrum as an adult, bad things happen,” Peters points out.
I say: Pray for me!  I don’t want to go to jail, but if she shows out in public…just pray for me! I’ve been told things will change when I have a child of my own, but I just get dizzy thinking about her on the floor kicking and screaming in the mall.  I really don’t want to spare the rod.  As a matter of fact I think she has some whippings coming already.  Just playing!

For this subject, comments are going to help us as new parents.  Kim is going to post something giving her point of view, but I wanted to share my feelings first.  I really want to hear what others think about raising a child in this day and age.  Things have really changed – don’t we miss the good old days?

“Expert” opinions can be found in the online article 10 Ways to Raise a Spoiled Child.

Happpy 4th of July to all!!!!!!!!