As you all know, Tom and I are expecting our first child and we are always interested in hearing what existing parents have learned (or are still learning) about raising their kids. What I’m discovering via these posts and during conversations with other parents is that existing parents have strong opinions on the subject of raising kids.

Earlier this month, we had a post that centered on raising kids. Some of those who commented on this post were of the opinion that kids who throw temper tantrums are a reflection of the parents and their parenting skills. I have to admit that for a long time, I too was of this belief. But now that I’m on the threshold of becoming a parent myself, I have to wonder is this a rational and legitimate way to think.

In this post, I would like to discover (if possible) how long a child’s actions will be reflective of the parents? For example, I’m sure that at one time or another, you’ve all been at a store or at a restaurant and witnessed a child just causing all kinds of havoc (i.e. running around the store, screaming at the top of their lungs, throwing things, etc.) And I am going to make a safe assumption that most of you, if not all of you, have said something along the lines of, “if that was my child, he/she would not be acting like that.” In addition, I will go out on a limb here and bet that some of you have even passed judgment on the parent as not being able to control their child. Ya’ll know I’m telling the truth here.

What about older kids, say teenagers and above? Would you still be of the belief that their actions are a reflection of the parents? Or at this point, do parents began to excuse themselves from the actions of their children by saying something along the lines, “I’ve done (or am doing) all that I can?” For example, what about the teenagers who begin to experiment with drugs? Or those kids who choose to shoot other kids at school? Is this behavior a reflection of their upbringing? Are the parents to blame for these kids’ actions? What if the teenager begins having sex while in high school? Is that a reflection of parenting skills or is it peer pressure? Let me ask this, once a child becomes a teenager/adult, do parents only want their child’s action to be reflective of them when it’s all positive things (i.e. your child is a straight A student, on the honor roll, on the debate team, is still a virgin, accepted into an Ivy league college (or any college for that matter), has a job, is a responsible person, etc.).

I’m back to the title of this post: when isn’t a child reflective of their parents? As a first time parent, I would love to hear your responses.