Mother-In-Laws! Why Can’t We All Just Get Along! Part II
Written by: Kathy Curry
Let me start this off by saying, this article has nothing to do with my mother-in-law. As I said last time, I am newly married and have had the typical growing pains with getting to know my in-laws, but this is not a bashing session on my mother-in-law. Matter of fact, recently my husband went away for three weeks for his job. My mother-in-law and I talked several times. She wanted to come and spend a week with me while he was gone. Yes, we got it like that! And I was going to drive four hours and pick her up and take her back. Yes, I was. Unfortunately and fortunately, I got a job in the meantime and she ended up not coming because she would have been alone in a strange place. My main reason for writing this is because, without solicitation, I have run into so many people lately that have shared with me their continuing and long standing growing pains! Some, years long! The problem always seems to have one common denominator. With that being said…
Here is the other thing. Why on earth do boys have to run and tell their mamas everything that goes on in the marriage?! Granted women have been dubbed as nosey, therefore many mothers ask their children about the goings on in their marriages, but still. I think because daughters tend to be around their mothers more, the daughter’s mother has an up close and personal view of what’s going on. Mothers of sons tend to not be as present and can only go on the information fed to them by their baby boy. But let the record show, I also believe boys are more poised and ready to report all the happenings to mama.
Have you noticed; girls/women try to fix things, especially relationship woes. I think women are more of the mindset, I don’t want my mother to think badly of him, and so I’ll just keep this to myself. Boys/men on the other hand, just tell it! They tell: how long she left the dishes in the sink, how many days it has been since she made the bed, how many hours the baby had the same diaper on, how many days it has been since she cooked, how many days it has been since he got some, the amount of time she watches TV and talks on the phone, the amount of money she spends on clothes vs. bills, etc. All that is none of her business! But what is really none of her business is when you argue!
Mama’s boy is cool in the argument until wifey flips the script and gets jiggy with him! Now the insults are flying both ways and, let’s face it, a woman has the gift of mouth. Typically, she is going to take the lead and hurt his feelings. Then he is done. Whine, whine, whine. There he goes! Straight to the phone to call… you got it, mama! He tells on his wife!!! How dare he! And still, the wife doesn’t want her man to look bad, so she still doesn’t share the argument with her mother, plus, and this is a big plus, women think of their marriage as THEIR marriage. It is not his mama’s marriage! Men have to cry to the one person they know will have their back regardless if it is their fault or not! Then a day later when all the dust settles, he thinks nothing of it. His thing is, it’s over. Got mama hating the wife, but he’s now over it, and says, oh mama will come around! I’ll tell her we made up.
Unfortunately, many times, they don’t tell her they made up and if he does tell her, it doesn’t matter! Mama ain’t hearing it! She is done with daughter-in-law. Daughter-in-law will have to jump through many hoops to make up for hurting her baby’s feelings. And Lord, don’t let her have thrown in a derogatory comment about mama in the fight and blabber mouth told that too! It will take more than jumping through hoops!
I honestly think, men just don’t think it through before they talk with their mamas about their relationship with their woman. Typically, men don’t hold grudges. When the fight with the wife/girlfriend is over, they expect it all to be over. But from woman to woman, we know it is not. Mama will never look at you the same again. Unless you do something miraculous like nurse her baby back to health after a heart attack, you are on the outs and may not be able to get back in! A mama of a mama’s boy… whew….
Any of you daughter-in-laws ever been cussed out by your mother-in-law? Talk back!
July 10th, 2008 at 12:54 am
In my experience, it is safe to say many actions you describe aren’t necessarily left to the man. Depending on many factors the woman is just as likely to do those things. All the details of why I know this to be true are in the past, but let’s just say I know what I’m talking about.
July 10th, 2008 at 1:30 am
because they are being protective of their own kids. maybe i would be protective of my son if he gets married one day, but it depends on my son on how to protect his own family. some men are just plain invertebrates. and some mother-in-laws are so evil.
July 10th, 2008 at 5:26 am
Wow who is the author od this post???
July 10th, 2008 at 5:27 am
Whoever it is sounded like you married a boy and not man…..
July 10th, 2008 at 5:29 am
Oh never mind I see who wrote it…..hmmmmmmmmmmm Sounds like trouble in paradise.
Maybe you need to get that Dr Sawyer guy to say a prayer for you and brotherman…..
July 10th, 2008 at 6:29 am
OK I’m back….
Having read this for the 3rd time I think I get it.
Any man the run to his momma about everything is …..well my true politically uncorrect feeling is that….that man is a sissy. (Sorry but ain’t this place about saying what you feel?)
On the other hand Tom is 1 million percent correct. Women do it too. I know cause I had this woman who couldn’t do nuttin wrong in her parents eyes.
Sometimes people are in such a big rush to get married that they ignore all the warning signs. Compatibility is a big factor. In bed and out. I think too much involvement by in laws is a violation of the marital trust, however too much secrecy is also bad.
Some families are closer than others and this can lead to problems/jealousy etc. Then some men/women try and isolate the mate from their family which can lead to a very dangerous long term situation/abuse/violence.
You and Casanova need to get some serious counseling before it’s too late. Most people when they come to me for help have already done irrepairable damage to the marriage and the same people I’ve married I see divorced.
Your post sounds like you are at the breaking point. Reread it and see what you think……
July 10th, 2008 at 8:41 am
Hi Allure. Welcome to 7DayBuzz.
July 10th, 2008 at 6:44 pm
John, Kathy’s husband here. man you’re a trip. Thank you for the Casanova compliment. Let me ask you, are you a couselor? and what do you mean people you’ve marry? surely you’re not a licensed to marry, or I guess I’m saying you couldn’t be a minister with ALL the stuff you have say on these articles. how’s your marriage man? my wife and I may have some issues but were doing good. she did not list one thing in this article that I have ever complained about. she’s near perfect in EVERY way. you can and will think what you will, i understand, you seem like a frustrated man with nothing to do but talk on blogs. do you work? Let’s get one thing straight, yes, we are still newlyweds, and I have a great woman and it’s not my position or place to discuss my marriage with mom. Sometimes you think you’re doing the right thing(s), well……it could come back to haunt you, so married couples or couples that in relationships should keep mama out of the picture unless it’s a issue that he/she feels their need to address to a parent. So, no I’m not Casanova, but my wife think so. lol
July 10th, 2008 at 7:35 pm
I am Tori, Kathy’s neighbor. I understand how you would get the idea that she is talking about her own marriage although she said in the beginning this is not about her, but let me tell you, I live directly across the street, we are the best of friends, and I can tell you your assumptions are incorrect. And I know some of the people she makes reference to when she says several people have talked to her unsolicited about the subject. Do you not take people at their word? Everybody has issues in their marriage but many of the things she said in her article, I know for sure is not an issue with her AT ALL!
July 11th, 2008 at 8:47 am
Thanks Tori! I truly wonder about this John character. Maybe, he is a man with issues of his own, so he just disguise it so that he could shoot the ARROW at someone else, so good looking out. Thanks.
July 11th, 2008 at 11:08 am
John, I have to agree with Weda a little. For real, you have license to marry folks? Don’t get me wrong, I like how you speak your mind and all BUT. From the very beginning you’ve sounded like you have issues you need to deal with. What was all that you had to say about your pillow (what you did to it), asking Tom if any gay men had hit on him (I think you’ve experienced that), feeling all alone with a wife in the other room (let’s talk about your decision-making skills). This is the place to say what you feel and you have done that VERY well. But, you do have a bunch of criticism and sarcasm with expressing yourself. You don’t know how to say how you feel without being sarcastic? You sound like a insecure little boy yourself. Hurting people hurt others!
P.S. You really need to stop talking about these nice people. Calling them country, hicks, or whatever you called them. What could people say about your family? What kind of relationship do you have with your mother, father, brothers, sisters, children, wife? They seem to be a close family.
July 11th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
LOL. ME MARRY SOMEONE.??? LOL….ALL I’M TRYING TO DO IS TO PROVOKE CONVERSATION. I’D SAY I’M DOING A GOOD JOB HUH?
July 11th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
I comr from a family of 15. My dad had kids by 6 different women. I believe I actually have 30-34 step brothes and sisters. And I have two step brothers named John.
I have no doubt that the people here are way move functional than my family.
It should be obvious that my antics are pure comedy and should be regarded as such. There is no vemon in my comments, though some incesrue person might choose to take them as such.
July 11th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
Big poppa Weda. Let me bow before you……….
Sounds like you putting the honey in da moon. You give lessons?
Let me tie your comments in with what The Observer had to say about me messing messing with the people on here….
Your comment; “she’s near perfect in EVERY way”
Now if that ain’t country I don’t know what country is…… Your last name Fife, Weda?
July 11th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Hey Johnny! No. I am not Fife, but it seems that your arrogance is more like ignorant, but since e don’t know each other personally, I’m cool with your comments.It seems that you haven’t had a real romance to produce a mother-in-law, so truly you don’t really know “What’s really happening” and I could really “clap to that”. Maybe, just maybe you just a shy type of guy or maybe you are a woman diguising as a man, MAYBE.LOL
July 11th, 2008 at 1:15 pm
Hi! Just an Observer, thanks for your remarks, but it seems to me that Johnny Baptiste, or Johnny the Great seems to be a little off and maybe he doesn’t understand the meaning of relationships, so I could excuse him or her.So, thanks again. I willing to bet that you are a very professional guy or physcologists that understands human behavior, because I don’t.. It just that maybe, there are mother-in-laws are protected of their sons or daughters for whatever reason or reasons they may have, but again, THANKS!
July 11th, 2008 at 1:51 pm
Actually I’m neither. Go figured that out.. Say what size shoe you wear?
July 11th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
Now as for the ignorance/arrogance question…
Got a coin? We can flip for it.
July 11th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
You know one has to wonder…Considering the mother in law question, comments etc.
What kind of children this has produced. Insecure? defensive? Mildly retarded? Emotional? What about the children……………???
I think we all have issues of some kind that can be traced to our parents. No wonder Christ saw the need to be the difference huh?
July 11th, 2008 at 4:01 pm
Arf Arf Arf Arfff!! (Sumbody pleaseee gert this Chiwawa ooffa my Armani pant cuff)
July 11th, 2008 at 7:34 pm
well john, you had certainly got some convo going. these are the type of blogs i like….DRAMA! This is a place to express ones feelings tho…so do what you do playa. You have me laughing…. Just dont be mean cause you never know who some one may be! Good or bad…I wish i had a chance to meet my mother in law. She passed before I could meet her. Actually, I met her when she passed. And even though relationships may be messy and drama filled just be glad you can experience where your partners mind frame, morals and upbringings come from. Sometimes I just dont understand my boo….and maybe if i knew his parents some things would be more clear to me.
On the other hand some men do take it too far. There is no way a man should tell there momma every little argument between them and the Mrs. The mom will most likely take the sons side, but what kind of an image is that painting about your wife…who was obviously good enough for you to get down on one knee for and ask to spend the rest of your life with. Its always good to use caution when talking to the in-laws about marriage problems. The worst thing is to have your mom and wife beefin. And I do kind of agree with John, some men are sissys and need there moms to stroke their ego and say your still a man bla bla. I hate when men want to act a damn FOOL, go psycho, verbally abuse and treat their wife like shit…only to go run and tell they momma when the wife STRIKES back. ha!
Everyone has their own opinion though….
July 11th, 2008 at 8:13 pm
Hi loveko. Welcome to 7daybuzz.
July 11th, 2008 at 8:31 pm
Drama is what makes blogs go…I been trying to give summa these suckas a little slack cause i can tell they can’t take it. I done already got momma’s baby upset, momma’s baby momma hubby trying to show some mini muscle and summa the other likely klan members pulling off their grass skirts and takin the bones outta their ears ready to throw down.
I’m luving it in heah! And Tom done fell off the map. Have you noticed? Wonder if Kim done beat his butt and made him go sit down somewhere??? (Or has he created an alter ego and has come back as one of these new people???
July 11th, 2008 at 8:39 pm
Your sarcasm is like the energizer bunny dude….(mini muscles was kind of funny though)
July 11th, 2008 at 8:42 pm
Tom is alive and kicking. Tom feels like it is more important to raise thought-provoking questions/posts versus saying the first piece of nonsense that comes to mind. Some people have thoughts bypass their brains and go right to their mouths. Tom recognizes this and has the ability to put a filter on it. In other words, if you say something worth my conversation, I will reply. Otherwise……
I have been working to put this blog on the (large) map and slightly alter the look. I don’t know if anyone has noticed, but the look and feel has slightly grown up. More to come on that later.
July 11th, 2008 at 8:44 pm
Now to the topic and your post loveko.
A weak man will not be able to handle a woman. An even weaker one will go to his momma for help.
Woman HATE weak men. A man needs to show strength. No woman can tell a man how to be a man. Example: You got on a pair of silk drawers on a 90 degree day and you starting to get chaffed all round your family jewels and you go ask your momma what to do….
She gonna likely tell you to go get some powder and flour your gizzards. WRONG ANSWER MOM!
What you need to do is go wash, put on some cotton drawers and spray some alcohol based hair spray on things.
Now any fool who knows anything about have male equipment would instantly know that you don’t use alcohol based anything anywhere near your precious heirlooms. So why did I say spray alcohol? Because after the fire goes out I bet your dumb butt won’t EVAH put on a pair of silk drawers on a hot day again…..
The moral of the story is that a real man would rather learn by mistake than ask his momma anything…
So I did this one time so I know what I’m talking about….WHEW!!!!! Man was I smokin….
Now i only wear silk when it’s under 75 and not humid……
July 11th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
Or you come home and the old nag is sitting there with this “Something’s wrong look on her mug.” You know the look. You’ve seen it a hundred times. And you know that it is the look of death.
Any man knows that no matter what you say you’re in trouble. If you say “HI.” she gonna wanna know why you so happy and “Can’t you see I’m not in the mood.”
If you don’t say anything she gonna jump you for that. so what do you do?
Well you could go call you momma….. But I bet if you call you daddy he gonna say, “Let me call you back later cause your momma is kind of upset at the moment.”
The best thing to do is to go to “your room” (speak or don’t speak, just don’t stop) Stay out of their area. AND WHATEVER YOU DO, FOOL, DON’T CALL YOUR MOMMA..” SISSY BOY
Take it like a man, just like the rest of us men in this world.
July 14th, 2008 at 6:44 pm
wow this is heavy about being married. all i know being marry is the hardest job i know . i have marry for 29 years its hard you work so hard too keep it together and you wonder is it worth it some day ,but i am working to keep it together with GODS help. prayer is the key to keeping it together see ya protect your marriage from the DEVIL