Is Beauty in the Eye of the Country?
Written by: Kathy Curry
I am almost ashamed to admit that this post came about because of a not so nice thought I had. Today my husband and I were in a place of business. The woman that was waiting on us walked toward us and I thought to myself how unattractive her legs were. I actually said to myself, her face is not bad and the rest of her body is not bad but her legs are just not attractive. As we head toward Sunday and the 7daybuzz.com WWJD 7 day challenge, I thought about what I was thinking and instantly became ashamed and mad. The reason I got mad was because, like her, I have many body parts that many would say aren’t attractive. But the real reason I got mad is because I bought into that way of thinking! Who in the world, and I mean who, decides what is attractive and what is not?
I have a dear friend name Rose. Rose lives in Nairobi, Kenya in Africa. I had a job that afforded me the pleasure of spending time with Rose while she was in the US. She taught me many things about how another culture lives. One thing we talked about at length is how different our countries feel about a woman’s body. According to Rose, if a woman is thin or small she is considered unattractive, especially if she is married. If you see a married woman that is not (Kenya) healthy /thin (US), her husband is not doing his job. Families can become upset at the sight of a slight woman and that husband will be told to feed his wife and take proper care of her. A curvaceous woman, on the thicker side of life is considered beautiful in Kenya. A size 16 or 18 or even higher is not a problem in Kenyan! Sweet dear Rose was what we would call thick. Because she had become somewhat Americanized, she decided she didn’t want to gain anymore weight. I was with her when she bought her first pair of jeans! She saw how women here looked and she wanted to emulate that look in her country! Rose was absolutely beautiful. One of the most beautiful women I had ever seen! But now she was in our country and doubting that beauty because she understood what we say beauty should look like. Don’t get me wrong, I am all about healthy living, a healthy size, and a healthy weight to go with it.
I don’t like it when I hear men say they wouldn’t even consider dating an overweight woman. What if that woman is his actual soul mate? Not someone he has a forced relationship with, chosen because she fit the appearance criteria. I don’t like it when I hear a woman say she wouldn’t consider dating a bald man. What if he is everything on her list with the minor exception that genetics didn’t afford him the luxury of hair past age 30? How many people do you think have missed out on the true love of their life because the individual didn’t meet the standards of what we call beauty? I will admit, as much as I love this country, there are times when I wish I was in a place where beauty was not based on how thin you were, or how long your legs were, or how hard your abs were.
It is so unfair. The reason I think it so unfair is, none of us were given the options of who our parents were and what genetics we would inherit. If how we look was predicated on what we ate only and how we took care of our bodies only, then that rating system would be alright, but my eyes, nose, legs, midsection, back parts, feet, hands, etc. all came from a combination of those before me. Little of who I am is mine exclusively, but what is, was there from the start. No matter what I eat, I still have chicken legs! No matter how many Pilates stretches I do, I am still 5’¼”. Nothing is going to plump up my legs or make me taller! So then why can’t I be considered just as beautiful as Halle Berry or Janet Jackson or Eva Longoria? But I know I will never be seen that way. And that’s ok. I’m good with who I am. I am a creation of God.
If I ever see that woman again, I will consider her just as beautiful as my friend Rose! Tell me what you think of American’s standards for beauty.
Tags: beauty, country, men, overweight, women
July 25th, 2008 at 7:11 am
Don’t say you can’t do anything about your chicken legs when you easily can. Get off your lazy butt, go to the gym and work out. It’s not that you don’t have a choice, it is that you aren’t motivated and lazy … like a true American.
July 25th, 2008 at 8:15 am
Hey EK. I hear that. I have and do work out. My ankles are what they are! Trust me. I am all for being healthy and exercising. I do many things to stay in shape. I’m just saying, my natural shape is not what is considered ideal. Am I still Americans idea of beautiful?
July 25th, 2008 at 8:21 am
EK, Don’t get me wrong, I am fine with my chicken legs. Having chicken legs doesn’t make me unhealthy. What I’m saying is, American might now be alright with my chicken legs. I don’t want to be a body builder. Should I have to become a body builder and actually transform myself to be consider beautiful? As long as I exercise and live in a healthy manner, shouldn’t that be enough?
July 25th, 2008 at 8:54 am
Kathy, I like this post. It’s true that Americans can be very shallow. More times than not, we place such importance on how one looks. And I’ll admit, when I was in my 20s and early in my 30s, looks meant everything to me. But as I continued to get older, I realized it’s not about what others think of you. Who cares what others think simply because everyone will always have an opinion. So, one of my favorite sayings comes from Russell Simmons — you gotta continue ‘Doing You.’ Now before someone jumps to the wrong conclusion, being healthy is definitely important, but a person should be/get healthy because it’s beneficial, not because that person wants to please/fit into society.
July 25th, 2008 at 9:34 am
And, you’re Dugg! Why? Because you raise some good points about the shallow American ideal of beauty.
My wife has a body image problem as she’s packed on a few pounds since giving birth to two children. She’s still as beautiful to me as the day I married her, however, as I fell in love with her as a person, see?
Hey, she might not look deadly in a mini skirt anymore, but she’s a hell of a good mother and the best friend I’ve ever had. That, to me, is true beauty.
July 25th, 2008 at 10:49 am
Ethan I love what you have said! Thank you from all of us mothers who have packed on a few pounds, but are still the best friends around!
July 25th, 2008 at 10:49 am
Well said Kim!
July 25th, 2008 at 11:44 am
Am I guilty of some of what has been said? You better believe it. But that is why we have to do things to reflect on how we act and feel. I hope to do that and change myself from the inside out.
As much as I may be guilty, I’m tired of getting this thing shoved down my throat. At work, in the mall and on TV it is all about what someone else thinks beauty should be. If I go to a place to eat and my waitress is helping me she cannot be a bad waitress simply because someone thinks she is pretty. I’m going to pump my brakes on this one.
July 25th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
Isn’t it funny how, once you get to know a person, and find out what a good person they are, regardless of how they look, they are beautiful to look at and listen to and be around!
July 30th, 2008 at 8:55 am
The common mistake people doing by predicting about a person by seeing only his figure. that is very bad. The real beauty of a person is inside the heart but not in the body. I feel like that.
Sherin – http://investinternals.blogspot.com
July 30th, 2008 at 4:37 pm
I don’t know what to feel about this. Its a Catch 22. I read someone that it is just instinctually for us to seek out the healthiest of the species. We don’t see anything wrong when another species (i.e dog, horse) is judged and assigned a value for its outer appearance as we assume it is due to diet and breeding. As silly as it may sound, inproportianate body parts are my signal a lack of optimal health. I don’t know but I don’t think anyone should feel guilty for liking what they like. And I am saying this as size 16 woman.
July 31st, 2008 at 7:24 am
I Soul Searcher. I enjoyed reading your comment. My only issue with what you are saying is I see so many people who start out as kids with the same body shapes as their parent/s, sometimes before a bad diet or breeding can make them that way. I really believe much of our body shape is genetically given to us, the good, the bad, and the ugly!
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