Would You Be Embarrassed If Your Daughter Worked as a Waitress?
Written by: Kim Sawyer
I was talking to a friend today and she mentioned that last week, while she was at the hair salon, a conversation began that centered on women who waitress. Now, my friend lives in Las Vegas, commonly known as sin city or better known for the slogan, ‘What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.’ Anyway, my friend said that one of the ladies’ in the salon stated that casino waitresses make between $80,000 and $130,000 per year. This revelation began a barrage of comments from the other women in the salon. Some women said that waitresses are really nothing more than prostitutes. Other women said that it didn’t matter how much money a waitress made, it wasn’t worth it because the waitresses had to put up with drunken men, touching them inappropriately. One woman said, she wouldn’t mind drunken men touching her if she was making $80,000 a year! A few women said they wouldn’t do it because they didn’t have the personality for it and if a man made unwanted advances toward them or touched them inappropriately, they (the women) would be putting their hands on the men, but not in a pleasurable manner. Lastly, some women said they wouldn’t do it because their husbands would not approve.
Just to see what the average waitress salary really is, I Google ‘average waitress salary.’ According to http://www.simplyhired.com/a/salary/search/q-Waitress, as of July 23, 2008, the average waitress salary is $37,000. Based on this, one can only surmise that the originator of the conversation in the Las Vegas salon did not know what she was talking about or Las Vegas is the exception to the average waitress salary. In any case, just for argument’s sake, let’s pretend that waitresses actually do make $80,000 per year.
By now, you may be wondering how this relates to your daughter. Here’s how: if your daughter told you she was working as a waitress, without revealing her salary, how would you feel? Would you be happy for her or would you want better for her? You know how parents like to brag on their children — would you brag about your daughter working as a waitress? Now, let’s kick this up a notch. Let’s just say you were not happy with your daughter working as a waitress and you told her as much. But then, she informed you that her yearly salary was, at a minimum, $80,000 per year. Would your opinions change? If you were not bragging about her career choice before, would you start to brag about it? Let me ask you this last question: what would you teach your daughter about career choices? Would you tell her that reputation is better than the amount of money she makes per year OR would you tell her money is the most important thing –it doesn’t matter how it is earned?
I ask these questions because next month, my daughter will be born and I know how I feel about this – I don’t think I would be able to accept it if my daughter chose to work as a waitress. Not that there’s anything wrong waitressing IF it’s done to help put oneself through college. But as a career choice? I can’t wrap my mind around that concept. Yes, I understand that the minimum salary is $80,000 per year, but still. It just doesn’t sit well with me — at least not as a career choice. Anyway, maybe I’m way off base on my thinking. Let me know your thoughts on this subject. It should be very interesting……
July 24th, 2008 at 12:58 am
We cannot force someone. Sometimes, it is not money, it is the influence from her friends. If she really want to go and work as a waitress during results waiting period, I would let go. But, I don’t think they can last a month… They pressure and workload is simply out of hand.
Atnizs last blog post..Wordless Wednesday
July 24th, 2008 at 7:42 am
Daughter has finished school for the summer and she is working as a waitress, just three times a week just for a bit more pocket money, she is only 16, last year she worked to get enough money to buy herself a new laptop. as long as she has money to go out with her friends I don’t thinks minds.
July 24th, 2008 at 7:45 am
If my daughter chose to be a waitress, it would probably be for the money, not a career choice. However, the idea that waitresses are somehow inferior to “regular” workers is insane. It is a hard job, and someone has to do it. I think that waitresses, regardless of why they are doing the job, need to be respected as hard working women.
I don’t worry about Jessica (our daughter) anymore, since she is now a yellow belt in Shinpu-ren karate, and will be able to handle herself around men.
Bills last blog post..The Yellow Belt
July 24th, 2008 at 7:58 am
So here’s the thing. My daughter was in college going to be uh… I can’t remember the last thing, I think a school teacher. I was proud of that but in the midst of it all, she kept make back choices, especially financially. I felt like I was always bailing her out and giving her lectures and it wasn’t working! She quit school. I was devastated. I wanted my bragging rights. I wanted to say my daughter was in college going to be a teacher. So I quit helping her. That was HARD but the best thing I could’ve ever done! (I was using the tough love principle) She started working at Verizon Wireless. Hmmmm…. I was torn. I looked at that job about the same as a waitressing job. However, not only did she make almost as much money as me (I have a bachelor’s degree), she changed. She became independent. She began taking care of business. She started to save money. She is beginning to really understand the idea of having and maintaining good credit. She has gotten promotion after promotion. What can I say? It is not the path I would have chosen for her, nor the path that looks the more impressive, but it fits her for now. She is making a good living at it and she works very hard at succeeding at it. Somebody has to sell cell phones! Somebody has to waitress! I know a woman who has raised her two sons and given them literally EVERYTHING and she has always worked at McDonald’s. Would I have chosen that path? NO. But different things work for different people and the key is consistency and doing the best you can at whatever you do. So, I can understand how you feel. If you have influence and are still able to guide your child when they get of age, definitely help them. Just know, they can still be a very respected and admired business savvy woman, even if they waitress! Waitressing, even as a career can lead to promotion after promotion. It’s not a bad or illegal job. I guess we would say, it doesn’t showcase one’s intellect. Or does it?
I just sat through a day long customer service training class yesterday. Waitressing actually utilizing many, many techniques an office job doesn’t. To be a successful waitress compared to a successful office worker, is so much more challenging. Interesting post. I will be interested as more comment.
July 24th, 2008 at 8:12 am
Hi Atniz. I agree with you about the pressure and workload. Waitressing is hard work – on your feet constantly, dealing with people’s personalities, etc.
July 24th, 2008 at 8:16 am
Hi pembs. Welcome to 7daybuzz. When my daughter turns 16, I will be in total agreement with her working a part-time job for pocket change. Waitressing is not excluded from this. But I don’t think I would want her to make that a permanent profession.
July 24th, 2008 at 8:20 am
Hi Bill. Welcome to 7daybuzz. I agree that waitresses are regular workers and that they should be respected. Isn’t it funny how our society categorizes people for different reasons? Anyway, I like the idea of karate classes and becoming a black or yellow belt (or whatever other colors they have). That would definitely come in handy, if needed.
July 24th, 2008 at 8:27 am
I definitely understand how paths change for your kids as they get older. When I was in my 20s, I heard about how much money a person could make waitressing at Sizzler. So, I decided to try it as a second job. I didn’t last a week! I didn’t like the long hours, standing on your feet forever, having to be accomodating to the customers – it just didn’t work for me. I didn’t get fired, I just never went back. So I can definitely respect those who do waitress , but I’m still not sold on it as a career choice. Stepping stone, yes — just not permanently.
July 24th, 2008 at 8:36 am
I guess I wouldn’t mind if it was a “just for now” job. Simply because of how hard the job is and also I know how waitresses can be treated (I was one once, myself). However, if she’s happy and loving it, then that’s her choice and I’ll have to support it.
I used to look down my nose a bit at bartenders, but then I learned how much they make in a night. In New York, you can pull down 400+ cash in a night. Heck, even coat check people make out big in the right place.
Sometimes it really just is all about the money, and you can’t fault people for choosing a profession that pays their bills in the style they prefer!
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July 24th, 2008 at 8:43 am
Hey Fitness Diva. Welcome to 7daybuzz. I know, I know – if it really boils down to it being my daughter’s choice and she’s happy — I will have to eventually accept it and support it. You are definitely on point about it sometimes just boiling down to the amount of money being made.
July 24th, 2008 at 9:34 am
I graduated with a woman who worked at Cracker Barrel. She loved it. We graduated college at the same time. Although she got her degree, the only reason she got a “real” job was because she needed health benefits. She kept doing waitressing on weekends and told me she made more money waitressing than at our office job! I wouldn’t want my child to do it either forever or as a career but the money can be very good.
July 24th, 2008 at 9:46 am
Having worked as a waitress myself in my younger days, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. But, then again I didn’t make 80 grand a year! I hate to say it, but if my daughter chose waitressing as her “career”, I wouldn’t like it. If she were doing it for a summer job or during college, I wouldn’t care as long as she was happy.
I know it sounds snobby, but I have to be honest!
July 24th, 2008 at 9:49 am
Hi Kirsten. Welcome to 7daybuzz. I’m with you on not liking it, but would you ever accept it if she made it a career choice — not just a summer/college job?
July 24th, 2008 at 9:59 am
I would accept it, but I wouldn’t be proud of her career choice. I wouldn’t go around bragging about it for sure.
Kirstens last blog post..I Would Like to Thank the Academy
July 24th, 2008 at 10:01 am
Yep, bragging rights are definitely out.:–)
July 24th, 2008 at 10:06 am
Waitressing is a good, honest job. If my daughter is happy waitressing and she feels her life is fulfilling then I’m all for her being a waitress. Life isn’t about “prestige” or “Money” – it doesn’t matter what other people think of you, it’s what you think of yourself, and your own job that matter. If she’s happy I wouldn’t care what she was doing (providing it’s legal!) I, personally, would applaud her for not joining the whole rat race mentality.
I know several waitresses that are a lot happier and more fulfilled that some high level executives I know… and enjoy their lives more even if they are making less money…
Anitas last blog post..More about strawbale homes…
July 24th, 2008 at 10:10 am
Hi Anita. Welcome to 7daybuzz. I like your comment, especially the part about “it doesn’t matter what other people think of you, it’s what you think of yourself…” Thanks for voicing that perspective. Now, let me work on getting over the negative perception of being a waitress:–)
July 24th, 2008 at 11:03 am
It would completely depend on WHERE my daughter was waitressing. I would not want her to waitress in Las Vegas. There are a lot of restaurants in our area where I wouldn’t want her to waitress, but there are a lot I’d feel fine about. It has nothing to do with prestige issues of the job and everything to do with the influences at the job. Having been a waitress during college, I can say that restaurants can be a very bad place to work. I was around a lot of drugs, people having lots of affairs, horrible language, lack of morals in general. It was a very sad place to work. Had I been less self-confident and more easily influenced, I could have been easily sucked in. My husband and most of my friends also worked in restaurants, and we’ve all come to the same conclusion: approach with care!!
But again, I would reiterate that this is not true for ALL restaurants, but the average one in middle America—I’d probably point my daughter elsewhere.
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July 24th, 2008 at 11:22 am
Hi SmallWorld. Welcome to 7daybuzz. It’s interesting that you would mention the influences that can come with waitressing (i.e. drugs, people having affairs, horrible language, etc.). The friend who told me about this conversation also said that one of the ladies involved in the conversation mentioned that she knew quite a few people who waitressed at the casinos in Vegas and their lives were ruined by those exact things. So I agree that self-confidence is a very important if someone decides to go into that business.
July 24th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
It depends on the place she’s waitressing, I think. I would be appalled if my daughter was working in a Hooters chain or similar, or a topless club, definitely. A nice upscale restaurant, or even a regular joe place will provide pretty good income and the hours are a definite benefit. I want to say I’ll be proud of any endeavor my daughter decides to pursue, but there are limitations of course. Also, as a former waitress (of regular restaurants!), I can say honestly that you don’t get hit on by gross men/women *too often*, and when you do, you have an army of waitstaff to back you up.
July 24th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
Hi Athena. Welcome to 7daybuzz. Do you think waitressing at a casino is comparable to waitressing at a ‘regular’ restaurant?
July 24th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Let me start by saying this is my first visit to your blog and I hope that the rant I’m about to embark on is not offensive to you. I mean no disrespect.
I have two grown daughters who have both worked as waitresses at one time or another. I am proud of both of them because they worked these jobs and made the best of work that was less than appealing for all of the reasons you stated. But there were things they wanted and to get them they had to accept work where they could find it.
I have no doubt that there are waitresses that make $80,000 a year. Keep in mind that the average salary you cite takes into account the high end of earners as well as the low end, which could be less than $10,000 per year…and I’ve know a lot of waitresses who fall at the low end.
Having said that, this post is less about what waitress do or do not make and more about self-righteous morons making judgments about people based on the work they do. To equate waitresses with prostitution is probably the most asinine statement I’ve seen in my life. It is the worst kind of elitism. I wonder if that woman feels the same about the people who serve her when she eats out. If so, I hope they spit in her food.
I’m confident that the waitresses who make $80,000 per year both know how to deal with difficult guests to be able to avoid the groping and know what good service is all about. Wait staff perform a very difficult function in an atmosphere of very demanding ‘clients’ and have to know a lot about human nature to do well.
If a person enjoys their job, whether it be as a stock broker, lawyer, doctor, garbage man, sewer cleaner…whatever…and they work hard to do the best job they can, then it is a worthwhile, honorable job. People looking down their noses at any profession need to ask themselves what makes them the judge of everyone else.
July 24th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Hi Lee. Welcome to 7daybuzz. No offense taken at all. I agree with you concerning the woman who equated waitressing with prostitution. It doesn’t make sense. Thanks for enlightening me on the ‘true’ average salary of a waitress. But just to follow up on something you said about your daughters — “I have two grown daughters who have both worked as waitresses at one time or another” — did they do this while they were going to college? Or did they make a career out of it? Because I think most people on here said that if it was temporary, they would not oppose their daughters doing this.
July 24th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
I think it is our job as parents to encourage our children to find their own career path based on their desires, not ours. As much as it may not be what I want or think is best for my daughter to be a waitress, she needs to learn that on her own and make her own decisions.
Sassy Mama Bears last blog post..Current giveaways at Mama Bear Reads:
July 24th, 2008 at 1:54 pm
My college graduate daughter presently works as a clerk in a store making minimum wage. Working as a waitress would probably be a step up financially speaking. I am not ashamed of what she is doing now nor would I be ashamed if she were a waitress as I realize it takes everyone time to get started and everyone needs to find their own way.
July 24th, 2008 at 2:02 pm
You know I was thinking… If there were no waitresses, we’d all be eating at drive-throughs.
July 24th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
LOL! I couldn’t take it!:–)
July 24th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
Hey sassy Mama Bear. Welcome to 7daybuzz. I have so much to learn (and to look forward to) as a parent! :–) But, it’s all good. I really appreciate you all’s comment on this subject. It has been very enlightening for me.
July 24th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
Hi Patricia. Welcome to 7daybuzz. I have to follow up on your statement, “I am not ashamed of what she is doing now nor would I be ashamed if she were a waitress as I realize it takes everyone time to get started and everyone needs to find their own way.” Can I safely assume that this means that eventually you would want her to something other than being a clerk (or waitressing)?
July 24th, 2008 at 9:22 pm
If most men “live lives of quiet desperation” then most women lead “lives of what ever is pragmatic” What does it take for me to surrive?
Men have dreams and visions of what they “can be or should have been”
Women have dreams and visions of who they “are married to, who they know, who they are friends with, who they connect with”.
We all want the ultimate statement ” I AM”……______________
For men what we do is who we are………..so if someone is a waiter…. that’s who he is. Even if he was married to the President of the USA, he would still be a waiter.
Male transition jobs are for the under 30 guys, because that is when the “quiet desperation” starts to sink in to our souls. My son worked 4 years as a waiter in his 20’s, not his career.
If a job is considered a transition job, then it is because the person has dreams and goals beyond the now, and they have the ability to delay gratification, which has been proven to be more inportant than smarts…
Waiter and waitress jobs are for those who want them or for those who don’t want to look for something else.
Any job that puts you face to face with the public (car sales, retail sales, service industry) will
open your eyes to how people are. I wish everyone had at least one year of their lives exposed to the public. Afer the year, they would never forget to say “Thank You” to the person serving them.
July 24th, 2008 at 9:58 pm
Hi Kent. Great comment about the male perspective.
August 16th, 2008 at 4:36 am
Wild Bill…
Great work. I am going to pass this along….
November 29th, 2008 at 6:27 am
see my girlfriend is a server, and I give her a hard time sometimes, and ask her when she’s going to find a “real” job. I dont mean to be rude but sometimes it is frustrating even talking to her about the situation. And yes, when ppl ask what she does for a living, I usually lie. The sole reason I am embarassed is because I know she can do better for herself than take people’s orders. Im not saying I have ever been rude to a server, because I think every person deserves respect until they prove otherwise, on an individual basis. There are many reasons that serving is a great job, but there are also many reasons it is NOT. Think of the following “what if?” statements and you’ll begin to see where Im coming from. What if she hurts her leg/arm/hand and cannot work? There are no accomodating “desk jobs” and she will be let go. (and dont get into HR and discrimination, because in most cases there is never enough evidence against the company for it to hold water) What if she were to become pregnant? Most servers claim their hourly wage plus a small percentage of their tips. Therefore, if she were to go on leave, she would take less than $8000. She may as well go on welfare. What if she wants to share income with her spouse to mortgage a house, and live a comfortable lifestyle? Well, ppl say the avg. take home is around $80,000 annually. This may be true, but I know first hand that some weeks she will take home $1000 in tips, and others she will take a mere $400. I need a little more consistency than that. Finally. She is only 24, and she has the legs, shoulders, etc. of a 50 year old, and counting… so I wonder how arthritic she will be once she turns 50?