Christianity 101. To Fight or Not To Fight.
Written by: Kathy Curry
Proverbs 22:6 says: Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 20:11 says: Even a child is known by his doings, whether his work be pure, and whether it be right.
Growing up a PK, eyes were always on me and my four siblings as to what indiscretions we might commit. Well, let me say, grown ups would look at us to see our indiscretions so they had ammunition to say my father wasn’t all that. I will speak for me; I violated many of the things my parents taught me were wrong. But as far as my mother and father go, they didn’t falter. No, I can’t say they were perfect but when it came to raising their five children, they were as close to perfect as you could get! Consistent!!! No meant no, day after day after day! No didn’t mean no today and then tomorrow, it meant yes. uh uh. I know that sounds biased, but if I had enough time, I could convince you; they were ambassadors for Christ when it came to parenting!
Sadly enough, I’m not sure they make ‘em like that anymore. I wasn’t the parent my parents were and I’m certain my siblings would say the same thing. Sometimes I wonder if the ‘new generation” fears God like our parents did. The bible/God’s word is clear when it tells us how to raise our children. Why is that so hard for us? Why is it so effortless to stand on the word of God for most things, but when it comes to raising our children and standing on that same word, we struggle? This is a big topic but the one aspect I want to deal with today, is the one thing I have heard from so many parents, (not mine, remember, they were near perfect 
) and especially fathers, and that is telling their children to fight.
Here is what I’ve heard so often and mostly from Christians, “don’t you start it (the fight) but if they put their hands on you and you don’t do something (fight back), I’m gonna get you (spank you/whip you) when you get home! Heard it? Said it? Why is that one of the areas where we tragically fail our children? According to my bible, there is not a command by God revising the “turn the other cheek” commandment for our kids during childhood and adolescence. (Matthew 5: 39 But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on the right cheek, turn to him the other also). There might be a bible scholar out there that will dispute me and say there is such a scripture telling us to teach our kids to fight, when they are young, and I just haven’t seen it. Do we realize with these teachings we are raising bullies and potentially young men/women filled with rage. I know that sounds too simplistic, but I challenge you to do some research and see that many violent adults began their lives as violent children. We are Christians. We are supposed to sow integrity and goodness into our children’s lives when they are young, so we will see the rewards of integrity and goodness when they are old!
My girlfriend quotes me because I have said it so often, and I still believe it, we as Christians should be the best at whatever we do. We should be the best employee, the best citizen, the best neighbor, the best student, the best daughter/son, and the best parent. But the only way we can do this is by being different than the masses.
I grew up with “Christians” that were a part of my church and our children attended one high school. Almost all of the children of these “Christian” families got kicked out for fighting! Kid you not! There are hundreds and thousands and millions of non-Christian kids who go through 12 years of school and beyond and never get kicked out for fighting. Why is it that so many Christian children cannot live up to the same standard as a non-Christian child?
One thing I have to say about life, we typically don’t take a path if we don’t realize it is an option. Teaching your child to fight/giving your child an option to fight, regardless of the circumstances, should not be an option!
Listen, if we don’t realize Christianity is a daily occurrence and not just for Sundays, we will not please God nor be accepted by Him. I hear you saying God will forgive me for looking out for my child, teaching him to stand up for himself, and not letting Johnny get the best of him. Will He? He gave His son up on the cross! Are our children better? Tell your daughter or son to take it! Really the bottom line is the parents are embarrassed to think another man’s child beat up their child! As I’ve said in previous articles, we live vicariously through our children. What they do or don’t do, we see as a direct reflection on us. Bingo! But do we want their actions to reflect our Christianity or our non-Christianity?
Following Christ has benefits those not following Him aren’t privy to! If you trust Him, if you obey Him, if you actually do His will, I can’t say troubles won’t come, but I can say, He will bring you out! Telling our kids it is okay to do something God is displeased with at certain times, is ruining the parent’s witness and credibility as a Christian! How are they going to be able to decipher right from wrong when they see you at church praising the Lord and shouting, and then tomorrow they are at school explaining to the principal they were in a fight because daddy told me I had to? And kids will tell it! Then the principal says, I thought your dad was the deacon at Mount, We Love the Lord, Non-denominational Come to Meeting, Assembly of Our Lord and Jesus Christ Church; and little Bobby has to say, “Yeah, I think he is”. Now that is what should be embarrassing!
Don’t be mistaken, the world knows our children. They know who they are and whose they are. It is up to us to pour the right things into them. Even if they stray, your accountability to God and His word is covered.
Talk to me about laying down our Christianity when it suits us and picking it back up when it suits us. Is that Christianity?
Tags: Christianity, fighting, parenting, values
July 30th, 2008 at 5:29 am
Then the principal says, I thought your dad was the deacon at Mount, We Love the Lord, Non-denominational Come to Meeting, Assembly of Our Lord and Jesus Christ Church; and little Bobby has to say, “yea, I think he is”. Now that is what should be embarrassing!
GLAD TO SEE SUMMA MY STYLE IS SPREADIN IN THIS DRY PLACE…..
July 30th, 2008 at 6:42 am
Good morning John.
July 30th, 2008 at 8:54 am
This is one of those subjects that some people will want to avoid; probably the people who need to talk about it the most. Could this be considered selective christianity? It seems like pride or human desires take over where christianity should be the guide.
I’ve been at a church before where the pastor said, while preaching, that if someone did something to his family it would be on! I thought that was a little over the top for a preacher.
Here is what I feel. We should look at this thing across the board and not just when it fits us. If you want Little Johnny to go to church on Wednesday, Friday and all day Sunday shouldn’t he be taught why? Sure, as a parent you can tell him to do because you said so, but that doesn’t seem to be teaching anything – maybe it is exercising obedience. Add to that the fact that many church people only care about that aspect of their childrens life. Forget molding a productive/successful adult, just go to church, stay out of trouble and bring in good grades. Oh, it would help if you join the choir, cut the grass and play the drums.
July 30th, 2008 at 10:40 am
I agree! We should be consistent with our children’s upbringing in all aspects. I must say, many things that I was taught growing up, not just from my parents, were not really “wrong”, some things were not really “right or necessary”, and some things were just without understanding. They did what they thought best. As parents, there are times, when you have to say, because I said so. At some point either, you explain or they come to their own understanding.
Being in church so much of my life, some things, once in the real world, was a shock. I think one of the best gifts we could ever give our children is exposure. The day will come when the decision to be a Christian will be theirs alone. The way we raise them, will have the greatest impact on that decision.
July 30th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
This requires more thought and biblical research.
Inconsistancy in Christian life is rampant in all areas. Education of children, sexual and personal relationships, hobbies (fishing, golf, boating , work on Sunday), personal habits
(smoking, drinking, gambling (lotto, slots, sports)), finances (debt, tithe)
My personal experience ; My son came to me when in the 2nd grade and said that another
boy in his class (chirstian school) was a bully and pushing him and the other kid around.
“Daddy what shoul I do?” My advice was ….. you need to give him a chance to change…. you should tell him “please not do that, I dont like it, and if
you continue I will do something about it”. tell him 3 times. if he does not stop after being warned 3 times, then you need to “punch his lights outs” “hit him as hard as you can in his nose or between his eyes.” But be aware that he may fight back, you need to commit to what you are about to do and know that you may get beaten.
That is what happened. Bully confronted, Harvey Milktoast turned into confident school boy.
Christian beliefs and behavior was not a thought I entertained at the time. I just wanted my son to understand that he will have to act in life and sometimes you must fight for yourself and/or what is right, personally and socially.
this is just one of the reasons the world hates Chrisianity, it does not hold the same values .
Christianity asks its belivers to live by a higher standard that the world does not understand.
turning the other cheek is one idea that most Christians can’t understand and therefor don’t try to live by.
July 30th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Kent, I hear what you are saying and I completely understand your reaction when your child was in distress. It is human nature to protect them by any means necessary! I understand Christianity not being a thought you entertained at that time. (Have you joined in with our 7 day What Would Jesus Do challenge? Look at Sunday’s story) I don’t recall facing that same situation when my children were young but, had I been facing what you were facing, I may have reacted the same way! Let me say, I don’t think the path of Christianity is always popular, comfortable, understandable, or even what seems right at times, I’m just saying, the path of Christianity is what God wants from us and walking with Christ generates blessings and benefits, non-Christians don’t receive! And let me bring out the scripture right now, yes, God does reign on the just and the unjust, but the blessings that follow believers can’t compare to the blessings of those unwilling to believe!
July 30th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
As a child, I was not told to fight nor was I told not to fight. But I had 3 fights during school: 2 in grade school, 1 in high school and they all stemmed from someone else starting them. So, instinctively, I followed the viewpoint, if you hit me, you’re getting hit back. What’s really funny/interesting about this post is that just yesterday, I was thinking about how my husband and I are going to to handlle this particular subject as we raise our little girl. Nice timing for the post:–)
Just to add a few more of my cents to this conversation, I believe as an adult Christian, we should know how to diffuse a hostile/volatile situation in order to prevent it from escalating into a violent situation. Sometimes, it’s easier said than done, right? But how, as a parent, do you teach a child/teen-ager to do that? This is a very interesting topic.
July 30th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
Kim, I have always been of the mindset, right things come to right people. I went to school with tons and tons and tons of kids that never got into a fight! I never got into a fight. The closest I came was with a girl in college. (Had it not been for the WWJD challenge, I would have probably called her something else. Thank you Jesus!) How can the majority of kids never start or participate in fights but so many Christian children do? I don’t know about you, but I am truly of the belief you are a product of your environment. There are exceptions to every rule/theory/belief but most of the time that holds true. Guess what, you are wondering now about something I never once had a conversation with my parents about. Never! We never discussed me fighting or what ifs concerning fighting. Never an option. Never a discussion. Never happened! That is my whole point; you can create an environment where some things never come into play! You can create an environment conducive to your desires. Not always!!! But we as Christian claim to have the power of God within us, your child and pet are the two things you are most at liberty with to train, teach, and mold, use the power!
My precious son said something to me one day that was very grown up and profound yet simple. We were talking about a girl that grew up with them in church and at the same school. He said simply, I could tell when she was a child what kind of an adult she would be. She got into serious drugs, homosexuality, stealing from her mother, etc. She was a little child that was given E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G she wanted! Literally everything! Her mother (single parent) believed everything she said, the other person was always wrong and her mother told off kids, parents, and teachers/administrators on a regular basis. This child got in fights, and even ended up in the hospital. All due to how she was raised! As Christians, having our newborns/children entrusted to our care is the ultimate responsibility! We can’t screw it up!
Kim, at this stage or ever, you need not worry about our baby fighting! She will be as good as they come!
July 30th, 2008 at 1:53 pm
How interesting this is! This morning I was reading Job. Now Job had all sorts of things happen to him and he was seen, by God, as blameless and upright. Yes, I know at the end of the day, Job received double for his trouble. But he did receive trouble. So, your statement “I have always been of the mindset, right things come to right people” does not depict that negative things CAN happen to people who strive to be right all the time. I think what matters is how they react to the trouble that comes their way, right? Personally, I know a lot of people who are Christians and they are constantly striving to do the right thing, but they still encounter trouble in their life.
Also, I don’t believe you have to be a product of your environment. I think with the proper guidance and care, anyone can overcome negative situations (and this guidance and care does not have to be in the home. They can have friends who help them overcome their environment. They go to community centers that help them overcome their environment. They can go to other church members to help them overcome their surroundings). I also don’t agree that you can tell how someone’s going to be as an adult, based on their actions as a child. I know too many people who had, what some may perceive to be the perfect childhood, and they turned out to be a menace to society. I also know people who had kids that were a menace as a child, but grew up to be well-rounded, law-abiding, morally sound adults.
Lastly, I am 100% in agreement with you that our little baby girl will not be fighting – well we’re going to do everything we can to prevent this.:–)
July 30th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
Good evening Kathy.
July 31st, 2008 at 7:17 am
Kim, I should have put a disclaimer, as I always try to do. There is always the exception to every thing. I understand about Job, and us all, when hardships come. As I stated in one of my articles, hard times will come for Christians, but He will bring you out. Who in their right mind would continually do the right thing in anticipation of the wrong things happening? I know it can, but the odds are greater of a good outcome when you lay the groundwork of good. Honestly, I wouldn’t be a Christian if I thought I would get, or if life actually gave me, only bad results. I get your point, but I think you get mine. I am speaking, and usually do speak, in generalities. I hope you don’t go into raising your child with the mindset, I will raise her with the perfect childhood but she is going to be a menace to society. Or, I hope you don’t continue living your life with the mindset that living as a Christian is going to cause you to encounter trouble. My point was and bottom line is, USUALLY, we reap what we sow, whether raising a child, working a job, living our lives. Galatians 6:7 – Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. The carnal version of that: what goes around comes around.
July 31st, 2008 at 10:55 am
Okay, let me address this statement first, “Or, I hope you don’t continue living your life with the mindset that living as a Christian is going to cause you to encounter trouble.” God has blessed me AND continues to bless me immensely! So I DO NOT live my life thinking that just because I’m a Christian, I’m going to encounter trouble. That is contrary to what He has obviously done in my life. That has NEVER been my mindset. But, I am also realistic in that trouble HAS come my way, as a Christian, and I didn’t understand why. But I remained thankful regardless because I knew at the end of the day, God still had my back and would bring me out. Secondly, let me say this, without a shadow of a doubt. My child will be raised as Christian with the understanding that she will encounter good times as well as bad times. But her reaction to both is really what matters. When the good times happen, don’t take it for granted – when the bad times happen, don’t get discouraged.
Now, I do agree with you that we reap what we sow. And that goes not just for deeds done, but words spoken too. I’m not sure of how many people realize this. I just think, as Christians, we have a responsibility to make sure that people understand that being a Christian is awesome NO MATTER what happens in their life (good or bad).
July 31st, 2008 at 11:23 am
I’m getting confused, so let me just say, you’re right!
July 31st, 2008 at 11:25 am
LOL! It’s all good.
July 31st, 2008 at 11:45 am
Actually, I think we are on the same page, just expressing it differently.
July 31st, 2008 at 5:59 pm
I was just beginning to think that ya’ll was gonna have a good old “fight!” LOL CAT FIGHT!!!!
August 2nd, 2008 at 12:27 pm
teach your kids to not fight. teach your kids to love. i’m thru, pray my strength in the lord.
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