I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but the issue of weight is being talked about more and more in the news. Of course, we are constantly being bombarded with images of models and celebrities who are, sometimes, overly skinny. And as a society (women especially), we aspire to look like those models and/or actresses that are thin. I mean, if we’re really honest here, clothes seem to hang better on a smaller/thinner frame, right?

Based on the constant images of skinny women flooding the fashion magazines and celebrity TV shows (e.g. Entertainment Tonight, Inside Edition, etc.), one would think that obesity/overweight individuals are few and far between right? WRONG!!!! A few weeks ago, a list of the most obese states was released to the public. And once again, Mississippi was #1 on the list, for the 3rd year in a row. Now, I live in the Mississippi area and I can attest to the fact that, well, we definitely like to eat our Southern food! Unfortunately, this desire for macaroni and cheese, collard greens, bar-b-que, fried chicken, etc. does not help our weight situation. But I digress.

Alabama is the third state on the list of obese states. Due to this, the state of Alabama has given its 37,527 employees a year to start getting fit — or they’ll pay $25 a month for insurance that otherwise is free. In fact, Alabama will be the first state to charge overweight state workers who don’t work on slimming down, while a handful of other states reward employees who adopt healthy behaviors.

Now, to me, this just sounds like a way for the state government in Alabama to make a little bit of money off of their overweight employees. How fair is this? Isn’t this just Alabama taking advantage of a dire situation? How long will it take before other states follow suit?  I’d like to hear your thoughts on this subject…….

Parents, if your want to help your child or children raise their grade point average(s), go to church. No, I’m not saying you should go so you can pray that they will somehow become smarter through devine intervention, although that wouldn’t hurt. I’m saying attending church, with your children, will help raise their average all by itself.

Research has pointed toward church attendance having just as much effect on a GPA as a college-educated parent. Students who attend church regularly have a GPA .144 higher than those who don’t attend. Students whose parents received a four-year college degree average a GPA .12 higher than students whose parents only completed high school.

The denomination doesn’t matter, but other factors likely play a part in making this happen. Solid role models attend services and come in contact with these students on a regular basis. Also, church attendance is a regularly scheduled time for their parents to communicate when thier friends’ parents. You can take if from there and come up with other contributing factors on your own, but I think I know what it is.

Going to church - going on a regular basis - instills some discipline in children. They are taught good moral lessons and are supposed to be there at an appointed time. While there, they may allow their thoughts to drift elsewhere, but their behavior is kept in check for the most part. After a while, I think this carries over to the classroom.

There you have it. I’m sure you are about to find out what time your local church has their weekly services so you can take little Johnny - that is, if you already didn’t know.

Thursdays are when we like to talk about family issues. If you have any issues important to you concerning the family unit (in any form or fashion), let us know and we will consider it.

Written and submitted by: John the Baptist

Recently I had a brother come to me and ask how to handle a very sensitive subject. I could only help him in part, but the issue concerns his marriage now that he is saved.

. He and his wife have been married for almost 20 years, but he’s only been saved about 3 years. She was saved before they were married.
He confessed that before he got saved he was able to “keep her in line” , but now she challenges him verbally and says things like’ “you know where the kitchen is at just like I do. Go fix your own dinner cause I ain’t cooking”. Or, Calls him stupid, talks back and he developed an attitude.

He told me that this has happened a few time during the course of the marriage and that he use to give her “a little tune up” and then she was fine for a few years. Just a sweet as a person you could ever want to be married to.

“John”, he said, “I don’t know what to do. I’m trying to let God handle this, but the old man is telling me to go upside her head and she’ll get back in line. It’s always worked in the past and now she’s just totally disrespecting me.”

I told him about one of my personal experiences that was exactly like his and how that physical responses might work for awhile but eventually the problems grows into something really bad, like the woman getting hurt or worsre, the man going to jail and or a combination of all the above, plus the woman leaves the man eventually.

I suggested he and the wife talk to the pastor, get professional counselling, because the brother is ready to explode. He told me as much; that he has had it with her mouth.

I’ve always wondered why women don’t know when to shut up? That provoke and push and man with their mouth and then act all innocent like they didn’t do anything.

To me it’s spousal abuse. Clear cut and dry.

If some of you here have the answer to this issue please offer it.

It is commonly believed that a strong family unit creates a safe, positive and supportive place for all members to thrive.  In other words, a strong family unit is able to utilize resources and to live together in a fairly healthy manner.  But with the way the family unit is declining, I have a couple of questions for you:  Do you think family values have slipped?  Or better yet, what exactly makes up a strong family that possesses good family values?

Today I’m concerned about this more than any other day in my life.  Today is the day my daughter will be born and I feel the change in responsibility already.  I have a former co-worker, who referred to Kim and I as DINKs, which stands for Dual Income No Kids.  As you read this, that term is no longer applicable to us!  Simply put — one child, increased responsibilities!  Obviously, we are the adults in our small family unit, so the responsibilities that go along with raising a child fall squarely on our shoulders.

In a strong family unit, the adults set the tone. They lead by example. They reach out to friends and community and teach their children the importance of doing the same — and that becomes part of who the children are. They work together to solve problems, and they pass their skills on to the next generation. Some important elements of a strong family system are family cohesion, family flexibility and family communication.

Cohesion could be thought of as the feeling of being loved, of belonging to the group and being nurtured by it. A family cannot always be together, and that is a good thing, but the confidence that goes along with being part of that family unit must be there.

Structure in a family is a must or it will become chaotic and will not be a peaceful setting. On the other hand, there must be flexibility or the family becomes rigid and the authority figures become resented.  The strong family unit works together to avoid stressful situations and solve problems without blaming, criticizing and finding fault with each other.  Families that tend to have a strong spiritual base seem to have a sense of well-being that facilitates this working together in times of stress.

Ever hear the saying, “What we have here is a failure to communicate?” A lack of communication can rip a family apart and destroy them. Things that facilitate communication are the things like family closeness, flexibility, time spent together, spirituality. All members must feel a freedom within the group to express themselves freely.

The leader(s) of the family are looked at for guidance and as role models, both very important. In a family that is parented by a happily married couple, people are able to express themselves more freely. A happy marriage seems to set the tone in the house. It spills over from the family to the community and a healthy family will be reaching out to help others. They do not tend to isolate themselves from the rest of the world. Much of this I learned from growing up, but now I take on a new role.

It will be very important for us is to teach our daughter to make good decisions.  If she watches us make well, thought out decisions, there is a better probability of her becoming a good decision maker.

A healthy, happy family benefits our whole society. There are less traditional families than ever before and that doesn’t necessarily signal a negative impact on children.  There are single parents out there who do an excellent job raising their children and for taking on the responsibilities of mother and father, they should be applauded.

Are our family values so much less than they once were and if so, what can we do to change them for the better?

These are tough times for our society, huh?  Everywhere you look or every time you turn on or listen to the news, the state of the economy is top news.  So, based on what we already know, there’s no need for me to regurgitate the woes of the economy, right?  Well, at least not today.:–)  So, let’s be entertained today.  I found the following incidents on the internet and they had me, um, scratching my head in disbelief.  I’d like to know what you think, so here goes:

1)  Man Calls 911 After Subway Left Sauce Off Sandwich: In Jacksonville, FL, a man called the 911 to complain that Subway left sauce off of his spicy Italian sandwich.  He then called back to complain that the officers weren’t responding quick enough.  He was arrested for making false 911 calls.

2)  Man Calls 911 To Report Slot Machine Stole His Money: In Tampa, FL, a man called 911 twice to report a slot machine, at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino, stole his money.  He was arrested for making false 911 calls.

3)  Alleged Car Thief is Car Jacked: In Salinas, CA, a man who previously had stolen a pick up truck was car jacked for the same pick up truck he had stolen.  It seems that the man was sitting in the stolen pick up truck at a 7-11 when he was carjacked.  The carjacker told the thief to start driving.  Soon after, the truck ran out of gas and the carjacker told the thief to get out and push.  But, the thief ran away and called the police.

4)  Bandit Bungles Cafe Holdup, Leaves A Tip: In Metairie, LA, a man, dressed as a woman walked into a cafe at 12:45 a.m. and ordered 2 doughnuts.  He opened up the purse he was carrying and handed the employee a $5 bill.  When the employee opened the register, the man pulled out a gun.  The employee screamed and dropped to the floor.  The man then ran out of the cafe, leaving behind his doughnuts and $5.

I could go on and on about unbelievable incidents that have recently happened, but I think I’ll give you a chance to digest the ones I’ve listed.  Also, I’m sure you’ve heard of some crazy stuff happening in our society.  I’d be interested in hearing them as I could use a good laugh.

As you all know, Tom and I are expecting our first child and we are always interested in hearing what existing parents have learned (or are still learning) about raising their kids. What I’m discovering via these posts and during conversations with other parents is that existing parents have strong opinions on the subject of raising kids.

Earlier this month, we had a post that centered on raising kids. Some of those who commented on this post were of the opinion that kids who throw temper tantrums are a reflection of the parents and their parenting skills. I have to admit that for a long time, I too was of this belief. But now that I’m on the threshold of becoming a parent myself, I have to wonder is this a rational and legitimate way to think.

In this post, I would like to discover (if possible) how long a child’s actions will be reflective of the parents? For example, I’m sure that at one time or another, you’ve all been at a store or at a restaurant and witnessed a child just causing all kinds of havoc (i.e. running around the store, screaming at the top of their lungs, throwing things, etc.) And I am going to make a safe assumption that most of you, if not all of you, have said something along the lines of, “if that was my child, he/she would not be acting like that.” In addition, I will go out on a limb here and bet that some of you have even passed judgment on the parent as not being able to control their child. Ya’ll know I’m telling the truth here.

What about older kids, say teenagers and above? Would you still be of the belief that their actions are a reflection of the parents? Or at this point, do parents began to excuse themselves from the actions of their children by saying something along the lines, “I’ve done (or am doing) all that I can?” For example, what about the teenagers who begin to experiment with drugs? Or those kids who choose to shoot other kids at school? Is this behavior a reflection of their upbringing? Are the parents to blame for these kids’ actions? What if the teenager begins having sex while in high school? Is that a reflection of parenting skills or is it peer pressure? Let me ask this, once a child becomes a teenager/adult, do parents only want their child’s action to be reflective of them when it’s all positive things (i.e. your child is a straight A student, on the honor roll, on the debate team, is still a virgin, accepted into an Ivy league college (or any college for that matter), has a job, is a responsible person, etc.).

I’m back to the title of this post: when isn’t a child reflective of their parents? As a first time parent, I would love to hear your responses.

I was talking to a friend today and she mentioned that last week, while she was at the hair salon, a conversation began that centered on women who waitress.  Now, my friend lives in Las Vegas, commonly known as sin city or better known for the slogan, ‘What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.’  Anyway, my friend said that one of the ladies’ in the salon stated that casino waitresses make between $80,000 and $130,000 per year.  This revelation began a barrage of comments from the other women in the salon.  Some women said that waitresses are really nothing more than prostitutes.  Other women said that it didn’t matter how much money a waitress made, it wasn’t worth it because the waitresses had to put up with drunken men, touching them inappropriately.  One woman said, she wouldn’t mind drunken men touching her if she was making $80,000 a year!  A few women said they wouldn’t do it because they didn’t have the personality for it and if a man made unwanted advances toward them or touched them inappropriately, they (the women) would be putting their hands on the men, but not in a pleasurable manner.  Lastly, some women said they wouldn’t do it because their husbands would not approve.

Just to see what the average waitress salary really is, I Google ‘average waitress salary.’  According to http://www.simplyhired.com/a/salary/search/q-Waitress, as of July 23, 2008, the average waitress salary is $37,000.  Based on this, one can only surmise that the originator of the conversation in the Las Vegas salon did not know what she was talking about or Las Vegas is the exception to the average waitress salary.  In any case, just for argument’s sake, let’s  pretend that waitresses actually do make $80,000 per year.

By now, you may be wondering how this relates to your daughter.  Here’s how:  if your daughter told you she was working as a waitress, without revealing her salary, how would you feel?  Would you be happy for her or would you want better for her?  You know how parents like to brag on their children — would you brag about your daughter working as a waitress?  Now, let’s kick this up a notch.  Let’s just say you were not happy with your daughter working as a waitress and you told her as much.  But then, she informed you that her yearly salary was, at a minimum, $80,000 per year.  Would your opinions change?  If you were not bragging about her career choice before, would you start to brag about it?  Let me ask you this last question:  what would you teach your daughter about career choices?  Would you tell her that reputation is better than the amount of money she makes per year OR would you tell her money is the most important thing –it doesn’t matter how it is earned?

I ask these questions because next month, my daughter will be born and I know how I feel about this – I don’t think I would be able to accept it if my daughter chose to work as a waitress.  Not that there’s anything wrong waitressing IF it’s done to help put oneself through college.  But as a career choice?  I can’t wrap my mind around that concept.  Yes, I understand that the minimum salary is $80,000 per year, but still.  It just doesn’t sit well with me — at least not as a career choice.  Anyway, maybe I’m way off base on my thinking.  Let me know your thoughts on this subject.  It should be very interesting……

Imagine this — another student, who is in trouble with school officials for being caught with ibuprofen, informed school officials that your child is the one who provided the meds.  Also, let’s just imagine that your child is an honor roll student who has never had any disciplinary actions brought against her (at this point, let’s just say your child is a girl).  Now, let’s kick this imaginary story up a notch.  What if the school officials believe the unsubstantiated accusations against your child AND the school officials decide to send your child to principal’s office for questioning?  When your child gets to the principal’s office, she is asked if she gave the student in trouble the ibuprofen.  Your child denies any knowledge of this.  Unfortunately, the principal does not believe your child and asks if he/she can search your child’s backpack.  Your child agrees simply because she hasn’t done anything wrong.  So, after searching your child’s backpack, and not finding anything, the principal decides to take your child to the nurse’s office to have her strip searched to see if there are any meds on her person.  Whoa!!!!  What???!!!  Yes!  The strip search involves your child being ordered to strip to her underwear.  Then, your child is commanded to pull her bra out and to the side, exposing her breasts.  Lastly, your child is told to pull her underwear out at the crotch, which exposes her pelvic area.  When the search failed to produce any meds, your child is told to get dressed and is sent back to class.

When your child gets home, she tells you what happened to her at school.  What would be your first reaction?    Would you go up to the school and cause all kinds of commotions?  I’ll tell what I would do.  Forgive my French, but all hell would break loose!  Let me take a breath….  I just get infuriated when I hear stuff like this!

What I just described above is not an imaginary story.  It actually happened to a 13-year-old girl in Safford, Arizona in 2003!  Her parents sued the school and just this past Friday, July 11, 2008, the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals ruled that schools may not strip-search students for drugs based on an unverified tip, overturning two previous rulings.  Now, although I’m glad that the court ruled in favor of the little girl, it took five years to get this ruling, the ruling was only 6-5 AND two courts had previously ruled in favor of the strip search!  What kind of foolishness is that!  (If you would like to read the story concerning this reprehensible act, click here).

Now that I’ve ranted and raved about this, what do you think about this?  What would you do if it happens to your child?  I would love to hear your take on this…….

Let me start this off by saying, this article has nothing to do with my mother-in-law.  As I said last time, I am newly married and have had the typical growing pains with getting to know my in-laws, but this is not a bashing session on my mother-in-law.  Matter of fact, recently my husband went away for three weeks for his job.  My mother-in-law and I talked several times.  She wanted to come and spend a week with me while he was gone.  Yes, we got it like that!  And I was going to drive four hours and pick her up and take her back.  Yes, I was.  Unfortunately and fortunately, I got a job in the meantime and she ended up not coming because she would have been alone in a strange place.  My main reason for writing this is because, without solicitation, I have run into so many people lately that have shared with me their continuing and long standing growing pains!  Some, years long!  The problem always seems to have one common denominator. With that being said…

Here is the other thing.  Why on earth do boys have to run and tell their mamas everything that goes on in the marriage?!  Granted women have been dubbed as nosey, therefore many mothers ask their children about the goings on in their marriages, but still.  I think because daughters tend to be around their mothers more, the daughter’s mother has an up close and personal view of what’s going on.  Mothers of sons tend to not be as present and can only go on the information fed to them by their baby boy.  But let the record show, I also believe boys are more poised and ready to report all the happenings to mama.

Have you noticed; girls/women try to fix things, especially relationship woes.  I think women are more of the mindset, I don’t want my mother to think badly of him, and so I’ll just keep this to myself.  Boys/men on the other hand, just tell it!  They tell:  how long she left the dishes in the sink, how many days it has been since she made the bed, how many hours the baby had the same diaper on, how many days it has been since she cooked, how many days it has been since he got some, the amount of time she watches TV and talks on the phone, the amount of money she spends on clothes vs. bills, etc.  All that is none of her business!  But what is really none of her business is when you argue!

Mama’s boy is cool in the argument until wifey flips the script and gets jiggy with him!  Now the insults are flying both ways and, let’s face it, a woman has the gift of mouth.  Typically, she is going to take the lead and hurt his feelings.  Then he is done.  Whine, whine, whine.  There he goes!  Straight to the phone to call… you got it, mama!  He tells on his wife!!!  How dare he!  And still, the wife doesn’t want her man to look bad, so she still doesn’t share the argument with her mother, plus, and this is a big plus, women think of their marriage as THEIR marriage.  It is not his mama’s marriage!  Men have to cry to the one person they know will have their back regardless if it is their fault or not!  Then a day later when all the dust settles, he thinks nothing of it.  His thing is, it’s over.  Got mama hating the wife, but he’s now over it, and says, oh mama will come around!  I’ll tell her we made up.

Unfortunately, many times, they don’t tell her they made up and if he does tell her, it doesn’t matter!  Mama ain’t hearing it!  She is done with daughter-in-law.  Daughter-in-law will have to jump through many hoops to make up for hurting her baby’s feelings.  And Lord, don’t let her have thrown in a derogatory comment about mama in the fight and blabber mouth told that too!  It will take more than jumping through hoops!

I honestly think, men just don’t think it through before they talk with their mamas about their relationship with their woman.  Typically, men don’t hold grudges.  When the fight with the wife/girlfriend is over, they expect it all to be over.  But from woman to woman, we know it is not.  Mama will never look at you the same again.  Unless you do something miraculous like nurse her baby back to health after a heart attack, you are on the outs and may not be able to get back in!  A mama of a mama’s boy… whew….

Any of you daughter-in-laws ever been cussed out by your mother-in-law?  Talk back!

(I am tired already just thinking about this issue)

We have probably all heard the phrase; you can tell how a man is going to treat his woman by seeing how he treats his mother.  Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!  That is how I feel about that. 

It’s a shame when there is website after website aiding in the “how to” of dealing with a mother-in-law.  Before you begin reading let me say, not all mother-in-laws are bad nor are they difficult to get along with but… let’s face it, if there are numerous websites on this issue, there’s probably a problem!  The topic of mother-in-law woes is such a made fun of issue.  Other than marriage itself, it is probably a stand up comedian’s favorite subject!  Because I am still wet behind the ears (12 days shy of one year of marriage) I am going to steer away from my personal relationship with my mother-in-law, but suffice it to say, I can relate. 

First let me say, I think the level of difficulty is greater with the son’s mother getting along with the daughter-in-law, than the daughter’s mother getting along with the son-in-law.  Why are mothers of sons so attached to their baby boys?  Why are there so many mamas’ boys out there?  Why does a mother not think any woman is good enough for her son?  Is it because one day when that little boy was around six years old, and the mother inadvertently heard her little precious tell his friend Johnny, “when I grow up I am going to marry my mommy” (as tears of joy and pride started to flow down her face), an unretrackable “ sign popped up that said, “stay away, he’s mine”!  That is so unhealthy…and sad.  

I dated a trucker.  His mom did everything for him!  You name it, she did it!  All the stuff a woman/wife should do or he should do for himself.  He would forego going to a movie with me to sit and watch TV with his mother.  NEXT!  

NOTHING is more unattractive than a mamma’s boy!  And when that bond between them is unpenetratable, basically, you have lost.  Unless you have settled within yourself, this is how it will be forever, and decide to live with it, run as fast as you can.  Here’s the thing, no woman wants a man to cheat on her, but when it is another woman, at least you can fight the fight.  At least you are somewhat on an even playing field.  There are numerous things that you can do to spice up your relationship or improve yourself to keep him attracted to you.  When your competition is your mother-in-law, how can you fight:  a house coat with those huge pockets that always held just the right equipment, at the right time; or the best meatloaf in the world; or those ancient home furnishings and dusty pictures that bring back those warm and fuzzy feelings to him… etc!!!  How can you compete!  How can you make him realize the frustration of her wants and needs coming before your wants and needs? 

I have only scratched the surface.  I might have to do a part II on this one and talk about the stuff mother-in-laws say about the daughter-in-laws, and then the man comes home and repeats it to his woman.  W-H-E-E-E-Y???????   Then he just stands there and waits for your reaction.  Why do men pit their woman and mothers against each other?  In the scheme of things, does it really matter what mommy-in-law dearest thinks!  Oh… but for some reason, it does!!!  Let’s talk about this one.